Interlude: The Princess Prince’s Soliloquy
“To think I’d end up like this, huh.”
Just before starting my stream, I recalled the past.
Ever since I was little, people said I was like a boy.
In fact, back in elementary school, I used to play with the boys—tag, dodgeball, group games—I loved anything that involved running around with everyone. There were times when I almost believed I was a boy.
But after becoming a middle schooler, I gradually came to understand something.
That I’m a girl.
There were many reasons, but the one that made me feel it most was that I could no longer beat the boys I used to play with. I used to be even with them in arm wrestling, and I never lost in fights either. But at some point, I just couldn’t win anymore.
When I started realizing I was a girl, the girls around me began saying things like, “You’re so cool,” and “You’re like a prince.” Those voices spread more and more.
After I transferred schools due to my parents’ circumstances, it became even more apparent.
I started being called an ikemen joshi (a handsome girl) and was constantly surrounded by other girls.
I was timid and didn’t want to be disliked, so I tried my best to meet everyone’s expectations. They wanted me to be the cool, charming ikemen joshi. So I acted that way.
But the truth was different.
I loved stuffed animals. I collected cute accessories. I was just an ordinary girl—maybe even more girly than most. I liked frilly clothes and admired the princesses in fairy tales.
Outside, I played the role of the prince. At home, I dreamed of being a princess. I couldn’t tell anyone my secret for fear my friends would leave me.
During those days of what felt like a double life, I often wondered—
…Is this really okay?
When I became a high schooler, my classmates started getting boyfriends here and there. I hadn’t cared before, but I started to feel envious.
I wanted someone to call me cute, too.
Once that thought appeared, I couldn’t stop it.
But contrary to my wishes, I was popular—with girls. Not for being cute, but for being cool. Even in the club I joined on a whim, things got messy because of that, and I ended up quitting to calm things down.
It was during that time of inner conflict that I encountered something—VTubers.
Their anime-like cuteness shot straight through my heart. Before I knew it, I was hooked. I started collecting merch, and I never missed a live stream.
Then it hit me.
I could become a VTuber, too. I might not be able to in real life, but through streaming, maybe I could become a girl like a princess.
I immediately got to work—researching online, buying what I needed.
I tried to prepare in secret so no one would find out—but my mom caught me halfway through. When I explained, she surprisingly understood. She even helped me prepare for streaming. Apparently, she already knew about my inner struggle all along.
And thus, my other self was born.
[“I’m Phoenix Feni! Nice to meet you~!”]
The name was a twist on my real name, Shiranui Tsubasa.
I modeled my voice after my favorite VTuber—and to my own surprise, I managed to produce a sweet, gentle voice.
If anyone figured out my real identity, I’d die of embarrassment. Feni and I were completely different people. No way anyone would connect us.
──“First time watching, but your voice is so cute!”
──“I love this! Subscribed!”
──“You sound like you’d smell really nice. I’m rooting for you!”
Many people praised me.
Compliments for my girly side—something I’d never experienced before—pierced straight into my heart. I could feel it filling something inside me.
No one knows who I am anyway. I can just be myself.
I stopped hiding the girlish parts of me—no, I showed them off. In my streams, I revealed my pink-filled room and confessed my love for cute things. The more I embraced that side, the more the comments cheered me on.
When I finally achieved monetization, countless viewers congratulated me.
It felt as if they were saying that my girly side had value—so much that they’d throw money for it. I was thrilled beyond words.
After I enabled donations, one account began to stand out with long comments. His name was Valhalla, and he said he was a high school boy.
His writing wasn’t exactly polished, but every time, he wrote long messages praising me. Some people might call his comments creepy—but to me, his words were a source of comfort. His daily compliments became my emotional support.
Then came the summer of my second year of high school.
My best friend, Misuzu, confessed to me.
My mind went blank. I’d never felt that kind of vibe from her. She was the one person I thought was “safe.”
“I’m sorry, Misuzu. I can’t return your feelings.”
READ THE ORIGINAL TRANSLATION AT LOCALIZERMEERKAT.GITHUB.IO
I turned her down because I didn’t feel the same—but things became awkward between us afterward.
When the new semester began, I still couldn’t fix our friendship.
One day, frustrated and lost, something shocking happened.
I discovered Valhalla’s true identity.
It was pure coincidence. As I walked past an empty classroom, I heard a familiar song—one I’d just uploaded as Phoenix Feni. I rushed in and glanced at the phone of the boy inside. And there, on his screen, was Phoenix Feni. That alone nearly stopped my heart. But what froze me completely was the username—Valhalla.
The final confirmation was the icon. It was a picture of an anime girl from an old show—exactly the same one Valhalla used.
He had mentioned before, through donations, that he was a high schooler. I knew we were around the same age—but I never imagined he was from the same school, even the same grade. What a small world.
My benefactor was just a normal boy.
Not particularly handsome, but not bad-looking either. More like the type who’d shine if he put in effort. Since we were in the same year, I’d seen him around, though I never knew his name.
Even though I was shaken by the discovery, I found myself wanting to talk to him.
Honestly, I didn’t even understand my own behavior or words. But maybe, without realizing it, I’d started taking interest in him—my supporter, my savior.
His name was Kanbara-kun, and apparently, he was friends with Misuzu. He offered to help mend things between us. Thanks to him, Misuzu and I were able to become friends again.
Kanbara-kun’s presence grew larger in my heart.
He was the first person to praise the girly parts of me. He was kind, thoughtful, and shared the same hobbies. And most of all—he was my fan.
That was more than enough reason to fall for him.
“What would happen if I told Kanbara-kun the truth…?”
If he knew I was Phoenix Feni, how would he react?
“……”
No, that’s no good.
He said he liked Feni, not me. My voice and appearance are completely different.
There’s no way he’d prefer a boyish girl like me over a cute one.
But still—Feni is me on the inside. Maybe, if it’s him, he could accept me. If he did, maybe… we could move to the next stage.
“…The next stage, huh.”
Just imagining it made me blush.
I didn’t want to lose what we had, so I decided to approach it carefully. It was a reckless plan, but Kanbara-kun agreed to help.
If I suddenly told him everything, it’d just confuse him—or worse, he might reject me. So instead, I’d gradually show him my feminine side. Yes, I’d take my time and make him fall for me little by little.
After all, he already liked the inner me—Feni.
There was a chance this could work.
Looking around, no other girl seemed interested in Kanbara-kun. Most of them didn’t even know who he was.
But there was one person who caught my attention—Kazama Yukina.
I hadn’t expected her to sit next to him. They looked close, chatting happily together—it irritated me.
That said, Yukina had always been cheerful with the boys sitting next to her since first year. Probably the same this time too. She’s probably just teasing the quiet Kanbara-kun. Besides, she’s cute and popular—if anything, she’d go for a more handsome guy.
So… I have no rival.
For now, I’ll keep deepening our friendship as fellow VTuber fans. Bit by bit, we’ll get closer—and one day, I’ll reveal the truth. Maybe I’ll even drop little hints along the way.
“…Someday, I want him to support Shiranui Tsubasa—not just Phoenix Feni.”
In the end, I want him to fall for me. I want Kanbara-kun to be the one who confesses.
Imagining that bright future, I started my stream.
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