Month A, Day ?
Today is a day off. For someone living alone like me, it’s a time perfectly dedicated to myself, aside from doing chores.
That said, since I just started school and don’t have many friends, I was planning to spend the day gaming when a notification popped up on my phone. The sender: Sakakibara.
“Hpel,” it said. He probably meant to type “Help,” but it felt like it was already too late. I figured it would be fine to leave him be, but then I got a call. From Sakakibara, of course. It would be unnatural not to answer. I reluctantly picked up. Out of breath, Sakakibara told me he was running away from his older sister and needed me to hide him. He was running even as we spoke; his desperation was so palpable that I couldn’t bring myself to refuse. I told him the directions to my place and to meet me in front of a landmark cafe.
I stayed on the line and waited in front of the cafe until a sweat-drenched Sakakibara arrived a few minutes later. I brought him back to my place. I never thought my first friend to visit since I started living alone would arrive under these circumstances.
Once we reached my home, Sakakibara quickly told me to spray air freshener in the entryway and let him use the bath. When I asked why, he said he wanted to erase his scent. An ordinary person would think, “What is this guy talking about?” but my “Romcom Sensor” understood everything. I did as he asked, thoroughly deodorizing the place and even hiding his shoes just in case.
I led him to my room and asked for the details. He slowly began to confess.
As expected, his older sister, Sakakibara Shirone, is what you’d call a Yandere. He started living alone to become independent and escape her, but only a few days after starting school, his location was compromised and he was being hunted. She’s technically his step-sister, and apparently, she’s repeatedly targeted his “chastity.” What is this guy, a romcom protagonist? Oh right, he is.
I told him he could stay until things cooled down, and he bowed so low his head hit the floor while thanking me. I thought to myself that a romcom protagonist really has a beautiful dogeza form.
While I was chatting with Sakakibara, the doorbell rang. It was the gentle, calm voice of a young woman saying, “Excuse me, is anyone home?” The moment he heard that voice, Sakakibara started trembling uncontrollably. Apparently, it was the step-sister. In a romcom development, it would be interesting to let her in and see them confront each other, but I didn’t want an R-18 scene unfolding in my apartment, so I decided to talk my way through it and send her away.
I told Sakakibara not to leave the room, sprayed myself with air freshener just in case, and opened the door. The woman, presumably the step-sister, was a beautiful person with a soft aura. Her hair was semi-long and a bit fluffy. Maybe she’s mixed too, because her hair was whitish (I feel like there are a lot of mixed characters, but I’ll ignore that for now). She was dressed in white-toned, trendy clothes. However, I noticed it. Her eyes. Her eyes were terrifying. Even though her mouth was smiling, her eyes were… ultra-scary. Being chased by this person would be nothing but pure terror. Yanderes are scary.
After the greetings, the sister started explaining the situation. Scary. She showed me a photo of her brother, saying she was his sister, he’d been missing for a few days, and she just coincidentally saw him running this way. It was a total pretense. Scary.
I felt like she’d see through a blatant lie, so I stalled by asking for detailed descriptions of Sakakibara while pretending to contact my friends. Meanwhile, I sent a “Run!” sticker to Sakakibara. It wasn’t a lie that I was contacting a friend, so I hope she didn’t catch on. Scary. I heard later that Sakakibara escaped through my window. I live on the second floor of an eight-story apartment building… Is he Spider-Man or something?
Afterward, I managed to deceive her somehow, and we exchanged contact info (she forced me) so I could let her know if I found anything. I survived. Later, when I asked why she came to this specific building out of all the others, she said, “I just had a feeling Akira was here… Strange. Is my intuition getting dull?” Scary. Sakakibara, you are destined to be caught no matter where you run. Just give up.
Honestly, the “Protagonist (Certified by Me)” is incredible. He’s even secured a step-sister heroine, which is almost impossible in reality.
…This means a few more trope-heavy heroines might show up, right? Like a transfer student or something.
Anyway, I was tired and about to take a nap when I got an email from the sister. “I’ve successfully captured my brother! Thank you so much!” it said. Amen.
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Month A, Day α
Break is over, and school begins. Normally, this would be a time of deep gloom, but thanks to the rom-com protagonist known as Sakakibara and his heroines, my mood never drops. Now then, I wonder what kind of slapstick drama they’ll perform for me today?
While walking toward school with these thoughts in mind, I ran into Sakakibara. He looked like a man who had been completely burned out.
When I called out to ask what was wrong, he just kept muttering like a man in a delirium: “I protected it… I protected it all…” Since he was out of it, I unleashed my signature wake-up call (the KARATE Chop) right to the top of his skull. SHUUUUUU! SUPER EXCITING! It seems he has successfully awakened.
After hearing him out, it turns out that while his living location was leaked, he was granted permission to live alone on the condition that he contacts his older sister (not the family home) every day and shows his face to her (not the family home) every few days. He claimed this was better than living with her, but honestly, I didn’t think the situation had improved at all. I felt a bit sorry for him, so I gave him some snacks along with the shoes he had left at my place yesterday.
When I arrived at school with Sakakibara, the Student Council was conducting bag inspections. I was thinking, “Wow, they still do bag checks these days? Impressive,” when Sakakibara got caught. As expected of a rom-com protagonist (Certified by Me). It seems he gets caught in every single event possible.
Apparently, the shoes I just returned to him were the cause. As expected of me—it seems I had unconsciously set off a “flag” for Sakakibara. Well, I suppose if someone has outdoor shoes in their bag on a perfectly normal day, people are going to get curious.
I explained that when he came over to my house yesterday, the shoes were dirty, so I washed them and returned them today. The Student Council President believed me, but a girl wearing the Vice President’s armband was saying things like, “Two boys… alone… playing… Gasps!” I wonder what on earth she was thinking to reach such a convinced conclusion.
After that, we reached the classroom without further incident, and the nth round of the “Sakakibara Conquest” between Takashiro-san and Shironami-san began. No matter how many times I see it, it’s entertaining. While Sakakibara is frolicking with the girls, no one talks to me, so I can observe the Sakakibara Harem in peace. Whew… I live for these moments.
I thought the usual pleasant daily life would continue, but something different happened today. During lunch break, I went to the rooftop. Yes, the rooftop. I haven’t written this in the diary before, but this school is rare nowadays in that it allows students to use the rooftop. Even I don’t observe rom-coms all the time. Sometimes I want to eat lunch alone on the roof. While rom-com rooftops are usually spots where couples flirt, the reality isn’t like that; just a few people gather here and there to eat lunch. It’s that kind of spot. I was no exception, sitting on a bench eating my homemade bento.
That was when the incident occurred.
The door to the school building swung open with great force, and a single person approached me with loud footsteps. With her glasses and the armband that said “Vice President,” she was unmistakably the VP from this morning. She stood before me, pointed her index finger sharply at me, and said, “You! Lend that vacant face of yours to the Student Council room for a moment!” At that moment, a thought occurred to me. This Vice President must be coming to ask me about Sakakibara. In other words, the Vice President is a Tsundere Heroine.
Over the past few days, while I had been grinning as I watched Sakakibara’s troubles with women, I felt like something was missing. I finally realized what it was: a Tsundere. There’s always at least one tsundere girl in a rom-com heroine lineup. Come to think of it, those two who are always with Sakakibara aren’t tsunderes; they’re “dere-dere” (lovestruck) from the start. The trouble a tsundere brings is exactly what the Sakakibara Harem was lacking.
Plus, the girl in front of me is in the Student Council. There will be no shortage of trouble.
Following that divine intuition, I shoveled my lunch down at high speed and decided to accompany her. I felt like she was looking at me with a face that said, “You didn’t have to eat that fast,” but it was probably just my imagination.
The Student Council room we headed to was neatly organized. Two long tables were joined with regular desks, giving it a very “classic Student Council room” atmosphere. In such a normal room, one thing surprised me.
Why was the Student Council President here? No, it’s not strange for a President to be in their office, but I wondered what this meant. Wasn’t the Vice President supposed to ask me about Sakakibara? Writing this in my diary now, I realize I was just jumping to conclusions, but at the time, I was still confused. Since it was essentially our first meeting, we did light self-introductions. Then, the President urged me to sit.
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